2005年 10月 21日

「ちゃんと」って、なに?

投稿者 by namep at 01:25 / カテゴリ: / 102 コメント / 0 TrackBack

最近のbianは「なぜ?なに?ちゃん」です。
まもなく4歳になろうとしているので、人生の内で最も激しく「○○って何?」「△□ってどうして●○になっちゃうの?」という疑問が毎日飽きずに沸いてきます。そして「何でも知ってるはずの親」に素直に聞きます。(色々聞いてくるから面白いぞー!笑)

hikaruが近頃「謎のhikaru語」を話すので、それを反復しては「それってどういう意味?」とhikaruに聞いています。
「ちった!」「ちった、って何?」「ちった!」「ちった、って何?」と30回以上繰り返していた様には大笑いしてしまったし、子供は繰り返しが好きだな~と心底感心しました。繰り返しに強い内は脳の学習能力が高いそうですよ?(大人はすぐ飽きるし、繰り返すとウルサがる!もうダメなのか~?!T△T)

ところで。

私も普段から割りと「なぜなにちゃん」なのですが(31歳でも?)、先日ミスドで不思議なおかーさんを見かけました。bianより少し小さい女の子に対して、「脅し」と「曖昧な怒り語」でしか声をかけていないのです。聞いていて気分が悪くなったのですが・・・羅列してみます。(=_=)

「ちゃんと座ってなさいって言ってるでしょ?」「ママの言うこと聞けないの?もう何も買ってあげないよ」「もうパパと2人でどっか行っちゃって欲しいわ!」「ほらぁ、靴が落ちたじゃない!だから言ったのに・・・さっさと自分で拾って!」「ちゃんと座って食べてってさっきも言ったでしょ?ママの言うこと聞けないならもうドーナツ買ってあげないよ?!」「また落とした!ちゃんと気をつけて食べてよ!」「もーっ、そっちに行かないで、ちゃんとここに座ってなさいってば!迷惑なのよ、○○ちゃんがウロウロすると!」

・・・・・・はぁ。

思い出すだけで疲れる~!(>_<)


私と同じように2人の子供を連れていて、2人とも年齢は少し下かな?というくらいだから・・・まだ多少手が掛かるのも判りますが、言われている女の子の平気そうな顔を見ると「毎日こんな言葉を繰り返して聞かされているから、もう麻痺してるんだろうなぁ」と一瞬で理解できました。(・_・)

だって私から見ても聞いても、「は?じゃぁどうしろと言うの?黙って座って人形みたいに止まってれば文句ないわけ?」というくらいに、子供のやることとしては本当~に大したことな~いちょっとした行動の、ひとつずつに全部ケチつけて怒鳴って脅してるようにしか見えなかったんです・・・しかもそれを聞き流されてムカついて、更に本人に八つ当たりをしてるだけ、みたいな・・・・・・(-_-;)


私にとっては、まず!子供に使っても通用しない言葉の第一位!は、この「ちゃんとしなさい」です!!

多分、「まっすぐに、じっと座ってて」「大人し~くしてて」「ここでは大声を出さない、静かにして」「ダラダラしてると格好悪いから、キッチリ格好良くして見せて」というような場面で、非常に大雑把な言葉として抽象的に、しかも大半は命令文で使われていると思います。毎回場面が違って求められる姿が違うのに、「ちゃんとしてなさい」と命令されても、今どうすることが「ちゃんと」なのかが、4歳以下の子供には判り難いと考えているので、私は使いません。
だって、「具体的に今どうすればいいのか」を親として「教えて」から「従うことをお願い」することと、「ちゃんとしなさい!」といきなり不明瞭な言葉で頭ごなしに命令されるのとでは、受け取るほうの心境が全然違うと思いませんか?(^_^)


だから、bianもスグ隣に居る子供にチラチラと目をやりながら、「あのおかーさん、ずっと怖い顔して何を言ってるんだろう?」という面持ちで気にしていましたが、あまりに命令と脅しと八つ当たり的な言葉を聴き過ぎて、終いに隣に居るのがイヤになったらしく、「かーちゃん、もう帰ろう・・・」と私に言ってきました。(いつもドーナツ屋から帰ろうなんて言わないくらいに大好きな場所なのに!@_@;)
私もカフェオレのお代わりをもらってゆっくりしたかったところでしたが、あまりに不快なBGM(?)にかなり嫌気が差していたので「・・・そだね」と立ち上がりました。女の子が少し気がかりだったけど、泣きもせず命令を聞きもせず1人でただ楽しそうだったのだけが救いでした・・・(>_<)

その後の自転車で、やはりbianは「さっきのおかーさん、なんかすっごい怖かったね。○○ちゃんはちっとも泣いてなかったけど・・・ちゃんとしなさいってずーっと言ってたね」と私に言ってきました。私も「そだよねー。あのおかーさんが言ってる、”ちゃんとしなさい”ってどういう意味なんだろうね?」と聞くと、「ちゃんとしなさいって言われてもわかんないよ。”ココに座ってドーナツを食べてね”、とか、”ウロウロすると落とすから気をつけてちょーだい”って言えばいいのにね。bianは、なんか・・・あのおかーさんが・・・なんか怖かったなぁ」と少し寂しそうに言っていました。ちょうど私も「もうこのお店には来ないよ!」と絶対ウソの脅しを受け続けていた○○ちゃんが気の毒だったし、おかーさんの個人的な怒りのハケグチになっているだけな彼女がカワイそうな気分だったので、2人して「せっかく美味しいドーナツ食べて幸せ気分だったのにね~」とションボリしてしまいました。


でも、私は嬉しかったのです。

bianが「ちゃんとしなさいって言っても判らないよね」ということを判ってくれていることがハッキリしたから、1人でスグにかなり幸せな気分になりました。もちろんその喜びをbianに話して分かち合い、揃って元気を出しましたよ!(^-^)b

「やっぱり、かーちゃんは”ちゃんとしなさい”って言うのはキライなんだ。それをbianが判ってくれてて、”どうすればいいのかを言えばいいのに”って思ってくれてたのが嬉しかったなぁ」とフィードバックすると、「だってさ、かーちゃんは普通のおかーさんじゃないんでしょ?”ちゃんとしなさい”ってbianにもhikaru君にも言わないもんね!」と元気に返してくれたので、涙が出るほど嬉しかったです。

子供にかける言葉が現実化するのには時間がかかります。大人に取っては長い、「3年」などといった時間がザラにかかるけど、確実にこうして花開く瞬間が来るんだ!と励まされて、私は本当に感動しました。

子供と一緒に、「その”ちゃんと”って、何?」と考える気持ちを持ち続けていけるならば、同じレベルで「なぜ?なに?ちゃん」で居れるのであれば、子供と同じ言葉と目線で物事が捉えられて、楽しい時間が共有して過ごせるのではないかな~、とbianの逞しい成長をかみ締めた、ある1日の出来事でした。

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